An excruciating day, or How to wrench yourself out of a Creative Pit of Despair

This entry was written on a bad day.
The kind of day when you seriously consider wrapping your business up, sending it all the way down to hell, and just finding a job. Preferably, a clerk job. One that won't require you to think, to create, to have anyone having expectations about your performance. 
If you never had one of those, you have both my jealousy and my undying admiration.

For quite some time, I was doing none, I repeat, none, of the things I actually enjoyed. 
The very reason I started a business was face-to-face work with clients. Doing stuff that’s I’m good at. Having positive human interaction, where I could be of tangible value to a real person.
Guess what? I didn't do any of this, almost at all.

I was "building an audience". Writing, figuring out Social Media, reaching out to influencers.
And I was freaking hating it. 
Hating the fact that I needed to produce something interesting, something comforting, something exciting, when all I felt was depletion, with no traces of energy or enthusiasm left.
Ever tried to get a cup of juice from a completely squeezed-out lemon?
This is what I felt like. I was that lemon, in more ways than one.

This was also the day I finally realized that CREATIVITY IS CYCLICAL.

It’s not like no one ever told me that you can’t force it. But apparently it takes reaching a new low point to really internalize this idea.
A very smart woman once told me: ”Pain is cyclical”. On that horrible day, I remembered her words and realized that creativity has patterns, just like pain does.

Sometimes you have creative surges, your mind is buzzing, you are excited about an idea, you feverishly write it down, your brain in overdrive.

Other times it's all blank. You can't create anything. And feels… crushing. It feels like you’re worthless. Like there's no hope. I remember feeling like I would never, ever, in my entire life, be able to accomplish anything. Let alone get my business off the ground.
And you wonder why there's an epidemic of depression among entrepreneurs?

SO... HOW DO YOU COPE?

Coping strategy #1: CREATIVITY IS CYCLICAL. 
This thought, or rather a mantra, carries me through the days of despair, despair that feels very real at the time. That too shall pass, I tell myself. Eventually I will be able to create great, amazing, inspiring, useful, innovative, breakthrough stuff again.
It’s worth repeating - CREATIVITY IS CYCLICAL.
Your slump won’t last forever, I promise.

Coping strategy #2: PLANNING.
Search for patterns: are you most creative in the mornings? Do you lose all drive to create around your period? (I've seen it happen for so many women!). Note the patterns and PLAN FOR IT.

Plan relaxation or mundane work for your non-creative times. Put these things on your Calendar. It'll help you come back to your "creative times" with tons more energy and enthusiasm.

Some examples of stuff I do during “creative dry spell" days:
 - Budget work
 - Tech stuff on my website
 - Consume rather than create. Read the book that I didn't have time for during a creative surge. Listen to the class that I was too busy to take, while in the frenzy of creation.
 - Let myself rest. Just rest. Walk, climb (my new love), hang out with friends. Recharge.

So there you go. It’s that obvious: know and plan. (It wasn’t obvious to me at all, in case you missed the sarcasm). Know and Plan. Know that the pain and emptiness will pass. Plan for non-creative things to do in the meantime.
And then - keep creating your great, amazing, inspiring, useful, innovative, breakthrough stuff again.

ANXIETY: Legit? or How buying a car calmed down (some of) my new business fears

This is a story from a while back, when I had just started Vision framework.

We had to buy a new car.
My beloved Honda reached the state when it’s cheaper to trade it in than to keep fixing it. We did what people who buy cars do: we made lists to figure out the model we like, the year, the cost, the budget. Armed with information, we went to dealerships, checking who can give us the best deal. We collected the offers and came home.

And then I noticed my husband is sitting on the sofa, looking somewhat... off. My beloved is the calmest, most positive and rational person I know. He is the one that always alleviates my fears, telling me that stuff will be OK, it will work out. He has this amazing ability to give every idea, every object, every action, a proper place, so the world makes sense again.

And suddenly I see him anxious and uncomfortable, and I ask what happened? And he answers, “I'm worried about buying the car. I don't know, it’s so much money, what if we’re going to end up with a wrong one, or we pay too much, and this whole “haggling with dealerships” thing doesn’t feel right…”

For a weird reason this conversation made me feel GREAT. Strange, right?

The thing is, I had so much uncertainty going on in my business.

I didn't know if I'll be able to write my blog. I didn't know if anybody's ever going to read it.
What if people that are going to read it you going to think I'm trite, that I'm  obvious, that my articles are just plain wrong, or pathetic.
I didn't know if anybody ever is going to buy any of the products of the services I offer, I didn't know if I'm if I'm going to make enough money, I didn't know if I will have to go back to corporate. And live with the burning sense of  failure that I couldn't get my business off the ground.

Compared to that buying a car is a walk in the park.

You do your homework, choose your model, see how much money you have, compare it with the cost of your desired car. You go to dealerships, find the best price, test drive the cars, figure out which car you like best. When you have the prices, you do another round, saying this is the lowest price I got, can you match it and make it better? That's it, you got a car.
There's a process you go through, and then you're done. The work is over. Whether you choose a Honda or Toyota or Ford, in reality they're all fine. All these cars are great, so you really can't go that wrong.

For a couple days I was feeling great. I felt validated. My anxieties are legit! If my calm, sensible, wonderful, positive husband can be anxious about a car-buying process, it's OK to be anxious about the future of my business at this early stage.

And then it hit me.
“Find a car” is a PROCESS.
You go through the steps (research-budgeting-choosing-deciding), you end up with a car that you like, within your budget. Using a bit of common sense and applying some effort, you can't really go wrong.

Clearly, running a business is not as straightforward, and you can go wrong. But there actually are some commonalities. There is a process you follow:

You build a system, you follow through, you test to tweak,
you do another round, you get results.

Yes, of course there are risks, and yes, these are much bigger than buying a Ford instead of a Honda. But they are not infinite. If you use common sense, and apply the effort, there will be results.

How to overcome EMOTIONAL BLOCKS and get to "Done!"

Last week I had to write a description for my upcoming offering. Not just “a” description, but an “enthusiastic” one, a description that would “create a powerful EMOTIONAL response”.  Actually,  it was supposed to be "orgasm-inducing". I swear, that was in the task description.

Naturally, I went weak in the knees.
If you knew me personally, you’d remember that writing about myself (enthusiastically!) is literally making me cringe. When I first tried to talk about my programs in a group setting - a very safe and supportive one - the person next to me touched my hand, and soothingly whispered “Marina, please don't have a panic attack!”
Having to write an “enthusiastic” description for my yet-to-be-created product, made me go BLANK.

Let me list what I did instead:
 - I Skyped with three people for unrelated matters.
 - I loaded up the dishwasher.
 - I made Halloween costumes for my entire family. I kid you not, we all went  as Harry Potter characters. 
 - I almost called my dad, but he was in a meeting in a different time zone.

We all have have experienced this “Emotional Block”, this resistance, when we face a task far outside our comfort zone. Writers hit a famous Writer’s Block. “I-don’t-do-systems” people avoid their budgets like a plague. Kids pretend to have a belly-ache, in front of a boring homework.

How do we deal with Emotional Resistance, move it out of the way, and get THAT THING, that excruciatingly painful task, the one that feels like slowly pushing through a barbed-wire fence,  
how do we get it DONE?

Here is what I did in the end:

Desperate, I wrote the following in the group that hosted the assignment: 
“I just want to say, I am agonizing over this "Day 4 Challenge". Anyone else feels deeply uncomfortable talking enthusiastically and publicly about oneself, or is it just me? I know it's vital, I know it's non-negotiable, and I JUST. CAN’T. DO. IT. Everything I say sounds self-serving and inappropriate. I used the template and it came out grossly cliché. Please help!”
I never hit “Post”, I just wrote it to sit out there, and then...

Let me tell you what happened next:

I offloaded the destructive feeling of being stuck, unworthy, “never going to make it”, and... 
Miraculously, I sat down, took the template in question, filled it out, tweaked it, and - lo and behold! -  it was DONE. It was there. I posted to the group with a pretty picture, and that was it.

---

When you feel deeply, uncomfortably stuck, try this:

Put your emotions into WORDS, in a pretend public setting. Heck, you can even do it publicly, if you possess that type of courage.  
Do you feel helpless? lost? resentful? panic-y? 
Write it down, say it out loud, give a voice to your frustrations.

Here is why it works:
You give a SHAPE to your emotions. Shape means finite boundaries. A defined emotion is much easier to handle, a.k.a. to make it get the hell out of your way.

After you've done this, you have enough emotional headspace to do what you need, be it  a budget review, a product description, a sales call, or anything else.


Let me know in the comment section, what the task you absolutely HAVE to do, that makes you so uncomfortable to the point of squirming. And if you feel inclined, feel free to give words your feelings, right here. And THEN, let us know what. happens. NEXT.

What HURTS THE MOST? The hidden benefits of Resentment

Meet Giselle. Giselle runs her own business, and is currently feeling she's about to lose it. Like, run into the jungle, scream, and chase someone tender and wobbly for lunch.

Giselle is drowning in clients, and she can barely handle the amount of sales. She's also blessed with a mind that’s constantly aflame with brilliant ideas. (Cue envious muttering).

On the downside, her business is a hot mess. She was never taught to plan ahead, she has no clue how to deal with invoices, and she sucks bitterly at delegation. And all the bright ideas in her head are getting in the way of her daily to-dos. (We love you, Giselle!).

Either way, Giselle already admitted to herself, and maybe a to couple of friends, or even her business coach, that the time for flying by the seat of her  yoga pants is over.  Giselle Inc. is in dire need of systems. 
But she’s not sure where to start. Everything needs a system! And everybody and their poodle say that there should be systems for every facet of her business. And life, too.

Now Giselle is even more overwhelmed than before. What systems should she get? Her attention, time, and resources are scarce theses days. She can only address the MOST IMPORTANT system or two, but what would these be? There is a simple question that would help Giselle to decide. 

WHAT HURTS THE MOST?

By “hurts” I don’t necessarily mean the biggest money leak or the most annoying time suck. Yes, you’ll be wise to address  those, but for the moment I’d love to point your attention to “what causes you most resentment”.  

What makes you feel guilty, or avoid that thing altogether? It could be the money situation (lackluster sales, or the sheer dread of looking at your budget), or the fact that you never seem to have enough time to make the ideal product. Obviously, if you have such an elephant in the room, this is what you deal with first.

But it could totally be something that looks minor. There are two reasons why minor things that bug you to tears need to be addressed.

Reason one - that seemingly minor annoyance causes so much stress, you aren’t emotionally available to deal with the bigger things in your business. Like a microscopic particle in your eye, it bothers you so much, you can hardly see anything else. Solve that “minor” annoyance, and suddenly you have limitless amounts of energy to do other things - big, fun, and important stuff. Often the solution is putting a system in place. Even more often it will be a very simple system, because it’s a MINOR STUFF.

Reason 2 – that minor thing could be a symptom of a larger problem: say you absolutely HATE sending invoices. It could be the fact that you never mastered addition in Excel, an would be easily fixed. OR it could be a sign that you’re never sure how much to charge, and/or not sure what services you provided for that particular client, how many hours, were there any extras, what price you quoted. In other words, your invoice resentment could stem from a poor record-keeping, or from lack of confidence in your prices, or a bigger issue around your relationship with money.

If it’s the latter scenario, once you start putting a system for THAT MINOR STUFF, you discover the real issues if you’re honest with yourself. This is where the hurt comes from. THIS is what needs a system. Not something everybody said you need.

So to recap:
Whatever you may hear about “the most important thing to put a system around”, you’re better off trusting your gut if you've honestly answered  “What hurts the most?”

What causes the biggest resentment, guilt, or avoidance?

It doesn't matter if it’s a “big” topic, or a minor “fly in your soup”.
Treat them both the same way – make it high priority to put a system to take care of the pain point. And let me know in the comments what surprised came up after this short exercise.

“A garden always gives back more than it receives”

“A garden always gives back more than it receives”  — Mara Beamish

It’s mid-January, and for many of us the brilliance of New Year’s Resolutions is dimming already.
To quote the great Brene Brown:
“January 1 – This resolution is going to be awesome!
January 5 – I’m awesome.
January 10 – This sucks.
January 20 – I suck."

The overwhelming majority of the resolutions work about as well as a fashionable diet: you might survive on violet juice for a few days, maybe even lose a few pounds, but that’s not really sustainable.

However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have goals. Recently I read about an alternative approach to goals -  a "tending", organic one that resonated with me:
The cycle of goal-achieving is like tending to a garden.
Treat it with the same respect and nuturing. 
I found it on Stacey’s Hall blog, and felt I that I wanted to share it with my readers. I asked Stacey and she graciously let me feature her post here. 

Stacey Hall is an Attraction Catalyst, a two-time best-selling author and a TEDx presenter. 
As ‘The Business Coach with a Heart,’ Stacey saves the lives of overwhelmed and out-of-balance business owners using a variety of natural and effective “antidotes” to physical, emotional, and mental stress.

Enter Stacey:
...Mara Beamish said  “A garden always gives back more than it receives”...

The full is post below:
http://www.chi-to-be.com/how-to-get-to-the-blooming-phase-of-your-attractiveness-faster

Enjoy!

You can have this Ferrero Rocher. Anytime.

As a style choice, I'm not a huge fan of shiny objects. In fact, I try to have as few as possible in my immediate surroundings. Not a trivial task with a six-year-old girl in the house, but I'm doing a decent job.
Staying away from Shiny Objects in my business, however, is more challenging.

"The Truth About SEO!"  
"Make Six Figures in The Next Seven Days!" 
"Learn to Use Pinterest to Double Your Sales!" 

These are just a few snippets from my Facebook Feed, (and a "2nd priority" email folder). It's distracting, and it can shake one's confidence in the current course of action.
Since I'm a self-proclaimed productivity geek, distractions are sort of my natural enemy. Consequently, minimizing said distractions is a part of my job description.

Today I'm going to share one of the  most effective coping mechanisms I found over the last few years.

The mindset of "I can have it whenever I want to".  

Have you ever tried to lose weight?
I certainly did. For ages.  In my heaviest days I weighed more than the day I had my daughter. About 15 years ago I've reached my goal weight and stayed there ever since. 
So what finally did the trick? 
Surprisingly, the strategy that helped me eat well and stay fit to this day, is pretty similar to the tricks I use to keep my focus on business-related stuff.

"I can have it whenever I want to" means I don't have to have it this very second. This is not a rare chance I’d miss, if I don’t act right! freaking! now!.
It'll still be there when  (and if! - that's the sneaky, and the most important part) I'm truly in the mood/really need that thing.
Let's say someone offers me a fragrant, tempting, deliciously dark Ferrero Rocher chocolate.  Am I going to stop everything, grab it, and decadently enjoy it for the next 15 minutes? Maybe. If that’s what I really crave at that moment.  Say what you will, Ferrero Rocher is not a sin.
But, I know I can have this gorgeous chocolate anytime. Or not have it at all, if I crave a hazelnut-cream eclair instead. I can even have both, if I really want to (happened a few times, and I'm still here to tell the tale).  Either way, I won’t have missed out. The point is, it doesn’t feel that I absolutely HAVE TO EAT IT RIGHT NOW. "It" can wait, or completely pass by. And then I'd either still want it, or I wouldn't.  If I still crave it, fine. My body apparently needs some chocolate, and I trust my gut. If I don't, fine as well. I just saved myself some calories.
I can have it anytime.
This also works for New Best-Ever Facebook Ads Strategy Course. You can have it anytime, despite what the sales page says.

Once you eliminate the urgency, the temptation is not so tempting and the distraction is... well, not so distracting anymore. See what happened? An effortless decision without thinking too much about it. Without interrupting the flow of whatever I was doing before a shiny chocolate ball of decadence came to my attention. I treated that Shiny Object in a way that didn’t require an immediate decision, and certainly no action on my part.  

No decision required -> attention stays on task at hand.

Please share  - what are your tools to cope with the Shiny Object Syndrome?